Life has a way of playing cruel jokes. Just when you think things are going good the universe slaps you in the face and yells, “Just Kidding!”
I seriously think I’m being punished for something I did in another life.
I often pray for forgiveness, or at least clarity. I wish I knew what it was I did that was so horrible in my other lives so I could repent. Unfortunately, I haven’t received an answer yet. I don’t doubt there is a higher power in the universe, I just question that power’s intentions.
Everything happens for a reason…
I’ve had plenty of times in my life where I’ve made stupid choices. I’ve had plenty of times where those bad choices put me in a situation where I deserved what I got. I can’t debate those consequences. What I can debate is when I make the right choices and things still don’t go right, because even when I do seem to get ahead in life, something always brings it crashing down.
I’ve asked God and the powers of the universe for assorted things in the past. Some of those requests actually manifested themselves, but there was always some sick and twisted variation to what I asked for. It’s as if the universe is just taunting me, making me think everything will be okay, but then when I get comfortable and content, reality sets in and smacks me in the face.
Whether it’s financial, relationships, health, or other life choices, I try so hard to do the right thing, but I always seem to come up short.
I don’t believe in luck, mainly because I’m not lucky. I’m that guy who goes to the casino and drops bank in a slot machine and wins nothing. As soon as I get up to leave, someone else sits down where I was and wins a jackpot on the first coin. That’s happened to me not once, but twice in my life.
I once had a lottery ticket where every one of my numbers was ONE off from the multi-million dollar jackpot. That’s my life.
I applied for a really good high paying job once where I was actually offered the position. It was going to be life changing in a very positive way. I didn’t hear anything from the human resources department for a couple of weeks after the offer, so I called to see what was up. I was then told the guy who offered me the job was no longer working there and my offered position was eliminated due to budget concerns. That was almost as fun as when I just started at another new job and the company filed for bankruptcy a month later, letting everyone go.
Or the time I got a job I was really excited to have then got in major car crash a few months later, causing me to leave it. When I was fairly better, I joined the Army and was thrilled about a military career, but the universe had other plans because (wait for it…) I got hurt. When I returned home, I got in another car accident than messed me up again. That was in 1996 and I still have problems resulting from all of the above to this day. (None of the accidents were my fault)
Another good job story (there’s unfortunately a few) is when I was applying for a position with a law enforcement agency and I became a suspect in an armed robbery during the hiring process (true story). I didn’t rob the 7/11 as they thought, and it was actually all a mix up because someone gave my license plate number (despite the fact I had a red Nissan truck and they were looking for a Black Buick Regal car), but regardless, I was told, “Maybe you should until we clear this up to apply.”
What makes it fun was my sister was a cop at the time with the department I was applying for. I’m sure the conversation went something like, “Hey, did you hear my brother is applying with us?”, “Yeah, did you know he’s a suspect in an armed robbery?”. It made for some interesting Sunday dinner conversations trying to explain to my family that I wasn’t an armed robber. It didn’t help that around the same time I was in a bank that got robbed…
I used to be in a lot of debt (I probably shouldn’t follow the armed robbery story with this story). I successfully struggled to pay off more than $10,000 over a few years. I was so proud of my accomplishment because I had done something most people can’t do. Literally the very next day after my accounts were clear I received a medical for $6,000.
On the subject of medical, I’ve had some very dark days in my life with some pretty serious stuff going on. I fought a battle for my life and I was closer to suicide than I really like to admit. I pulled myself out of the hole I was in, only to have my wife divorce me shortly after. That was okay because it gave me a fresh start to meet the girl of my dreams, which I did eventually. The only problem is she was very taken and had no interest in me.
I could go on and on, but I’m not looking for a pity party.
My point is there is some higher power who likes to dangle the proverbial carrot in front of me, then quickly pulls it away laughing at me like a school yard bully. It happens all the time. The examples I listed above are just a few I thought off the top of my head, but there have been MANY in my life and it sucks.
Have you ever heard the song “Ironic” by Alanis Morissette?
Some people tell me I set myself up for failure. Some say I bring bad things into my life because of my negativity. Well, I disagree because I think I’m cursed. I researched my family tree and found bad luck goes back multiple centuries. Genocide. Oppression. Persecution. Meh. What can you do.
As I said, everything happens for a reason. I could draw a line chart of everything in my life for how I ended up where I’m at. It wouldn’t feel so bad if it was all of my own doing, but that’s not always the case. Sometimes the universe just has it in for me. My life isn’t all bad, but there is much to be desired.
The upside is there is always a lesson to be learned.
The bad thing is I’m ready for that school to be dismissed.
~ Marty ~
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For a little related positivity, check out another of my articles, Manifesting: The Universe Got My Order Wrong