Sometimes random thoughts pop in my head that occupy far too much time and energy…

The world and this ridiculous thing called life are funny. Not funny as in humorous, but funny like quirky. I often find myself caught up in this quirkiness pondering things most people probably don’t ponder.

Do you think space aliens get mad when they receive TV signals of the Miss Universe pageant? Hmmm. This could be the makings of a future article… But seriously, it’s Miss Universe, but only Earth is represented. Not cool. It sounds like a discrimination lawsuit in the making. 

Did unicorns ever really exist, or did someone just say “Hey, let’s put a thing on a horse’s head and call it a new species?” If the latter is the case, why would they do that? Was it a drunken party gag? Did someone say, “Hey look guys, it’s a mythical creature right here among us?” If I did something like that, I’d be called crazy or ridiculous, but some random person did it thousands of years ago and now unicorns are a part of our society and people think it’s it’s cool. What’s the deal?

If milk has to be refrigerated to keep it from going bad, why doesn’t it go bad when it’s inside the cow?  I’ve never taken the temperature of the inside of a cow, but I’m guessing it’s probably not cold. Refrigerators are cold. So we’re taking something that’s been warm all it’s life and refrigerating it to keep it from going bad? It makes no sense to me.

Do you think dogs really care about the flavor of their food? They drink out of toilets and eat their own poop. Do you honestly think they’re worried about whether tonight’s supper is chicken or beef? And how do the makers really know what flavor it is? Do they employ human taste testers? If so, how would you like to say you eat dog food for a living?

Speaking of dogs, I often wonder what my dog calls me. I mean, he seems to know his name, but who am I to him? I can only imagine what he calls me. But from what I gather, I think my name is Brooff.

Did you know the only part of your reflection you can lick is your tongue? Don’t believe me? Go find a mirror and try it.

Why does grape flavor smell the way it is when actual grapes don’t taste or smell anything like it?

There’s plenty more, but I need to save those thoughts for future articles. Yes, I may in fact have too much time on my hands, but these are critical conversations we must have with ourselves.

Surprisingly, these thoughts aren’t what keep me awake at night. This week, it’s that damn Baby Shark song. I did a music show recently where I threw Baby Shark in as a cruel, but practical joke. If you want to listen to that particular show, there’s a link below.

Anyway, please don’t judge me on playing Baby Shark or the other oddities that make me who I am. It’s all a part of my charm.

~ Marty ~


Marty is a Kansas City based writer and entertainer.

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