Kidz Bop is a musical nightmare, quite possibly thought up by Satan to torture those who walk the Earth.

If you’re not familiar with Kidz Bop, be very grateful.

Many parents don’t want their kids listening to pop music because of the inappropriate messages in the lyrics. Sometimes they may not the like the artist who performed the song because of their immoral behaviors or beliefs. 

Somewhere in the convoluted world of logic, a music producer had the ingenious idea to take questionable pop songs sung by controversial artists and remake them using the tone deaf vocals of obnoxious preteens sung together in chorus.

In 2001, Kidz Bop was born.

Kidz Bop was created to serve as a much tamer, Disney like music alternative for over protective parents who could now let their sensitive 9 – 12 year old children enjoy the best of both worlds – the pop music they love and good “wholesome” lyrical content.

Kidz Bop seems like a good plan in theory, but there’s a major flaw…

The majority of lyrics in Kidz Bop songs are often the same as the original. The exception to this is use of profanity or “inappropriate” content. Kidz Bop strips the original lyrics of profanity and blatant words related to sex, drugs, alcohol and violence, but not always. Slang and innuendo often slip through.

You can edit lyrics, but you can’t take away the implied underlying content. Essentially the Kidz Bop songs have the very same meaning as the original.

If the original lyrics are so offensive that they need to be edited or revised, why are they even being recorded for marketing to ten year olds?

There are MANY songs performed by Kidz Bop where the original versions were far too offensive for young kids (and maybe even some adults), yet a smart music company executive seemed to think it would be “cute” to re-market these dirty songs to the “tween” crowd.

Parents are somehow okay with this.

That’s where I get confused, but I attribute it to the “ostrich in the sand” theory. If you bury your head in the sand like an ostrich, you don’t see the problem, therefore it’s not there. I feel bad being the one to burst the bubble (no I don’t), but the kids are listening to the same crap either way, only the Kidz Bop version sounds ten times worse than the  original because of the horrible singing.

If parents buy Kidz Bop because they’re trying to make a personal boycott of pop music artists and what they represent, I hate to say there’s a flaw there too.

Parents who purchase Kidz Bop products are ultimately supporting what they hate because the original artists are still getting paid through royalties. The irony of this makes me laugh. Do you think they would give up the rights to their songs for free?

When Kidz Bop debuted, it seemed like a horrible parody that was destined for a very short life. Somehow the atrocity endured, still pumping out albums today and performing around the world. Yes, you read that correctly – they have concerts too.

Have you ever been to a third grade musical at an elementary school? I have. And I’ll tell you I’d much rather be there than at a Kidz Bop concert.

I honestly don’t know who buys this stuff. Being a professional DJ for about 25 years, I’ve never once had anyone ever ask me to play a Kidz Bop song, not even jokingly. I’ve never purchased any of their music and I have no intention of ever doing so. Nor have I ever met anyone who has purchased any of their music, yet the franchise is a multi-million dollar enterprise.

How does this happen???

Perhaps there was some Russian collusion. Maybe terrorists are using Kidz Bop as a psychological warfare weapon. Whatever it is, I fear for the youth of our nation. After having survived the days of Barney and The Wiggles, I don’t know if our kids will escape unscathed from the audio horrors of Kidz Bop.

The moral of the story here is you can’t bury your head (or your kid’s head) in the sand forever (unless Kidz Bop is playing). The kids will eventually figure out they were misled by their parents when they hear the original songs.

To avoid that awkward conversation later in life, just let them listen to the original songs and do what every other good parent does when kids are listening to annoying music:

Yell “TURN THAT CRAP DOWN” and move on…